Actual flight advice

Why You Should Ignore Airline Advice Columns

As previously written about, I fly too much. This is on average about 40 flights every 12 months. 2025 it's going to end up at 53.

I do this because I live on a lovely small island but do also love seeing friends and family, and my job necessitates a certain amount of client time.

So this is an attempt to debunk a lot of flight and airport myths that you see in newspapers and magazines.

1) The Status Delusion

Despite reddit and magazines telling you otherwise, flight status is really really hard to achieve on short haul flights. In addition, upgrades are extremely rare.

You're normally better off getting a credit card to get perks like free lounge access and so on unless you really are a frequent traveller that qualifies anyway (and if you are, you don't need this article).

That said, check for status qualification via number of flights, not just miles - not all schemes do it on number of miles.

What does work - those miles being used to pay for other flights. Try to stick to one "group" of airlines that share miles between them.

2) Do not buy that cute travel outfit set being pushed to you on instagram or tiktok

Please:

• no white, beige, ivory or "oatmeal"
• no matching influencer cosplays, especially in block colour

They attract stains, cat hair, and just beg for someone to spill things on you, including you. You will look downtrodden and sorry at a delay so quickly.

In addition, leggings contain no pockets often and are skintight, so absorb sweat very quickly, making those leggings useless for a re-wear.

What actually works

Tonnes of pockets

I like dungarees without metal fastenings because they add a chest pocket. Even my bags are filled with pouches, acting as mini pockets that I can stash in the seat in front of me. I am the pocket witch.

Coverage

In a breathable fabric. This covers lots of weather scenarios - hot, cold, mosquitos. I try to ensure elbow to ankle is covered.

Bright colours and/or patterns

Being recognisable is a resource - not required if you are naturally memorable.

Jewellery

I wear wooden or plastic, and ensure it's a type that's easily removable at security if someone prompts me. See also: hair clips - I am sometimes asked to remove a headband or large hair clip. They're also natural fidgit items, and at a push some can be handed to a friend or family's baby to distract them. Airports suck. Imagine being a baby and having to be at an airport. Poor things.

Boots

Are actually ok - as long as they are very easy and quick to take on and off at security. Bonus ankle support and luggage space!

3) Airports Are Human Systems

Budget airlines will try to get you to the gate as early as humanly possible. That is despite the areas they tend to rent at airports being cheaper, so often fewer seats and amenities. In addition, airports that are overloaded tend to announce gates super early or super late as a crowd management tactic.

So, unless you are racing for a seat, you do not need to run to the gate at the point the gate number appears.

Most airports give estimated times to get to the gates on displays, and if they don't, ask someone who works at the airport. Assume that is someone with full speed bipedal mobility and adjust accordingly for your own setup (pram, slow walker, etc). If they don't have that on a display, ask a member of staff and they can often provide some guidance.

In addition, think about how people might do things - that can often get you some unintended hacks, eg

• I check my bag in as late as possible if I don't have priority baggage so it's more likely to appear earlier on the belt - if you think about the default way they may load and unload bags, this makes sense.
• If it's late at night, and there's a giant queue of people, but you have an international or long distance transfer you've missed, push to the front of the queue - otherwise the hotel rooms will run out on short distance travellers before it gets to you.
• If you have immigration to do, you may as well check a bag, and if I don't - I use the time waiting to do some stretches, top up on water and use the bathroom.

When something goes wrong, judge the crowd to work out the most efficient next step.

This has saved me countless times. Some anecdotes:

The Bus Riot with the Nun

Some situations, arguing with the crowd is most effective.

We were trapped on a crammed hot bus without air conditioning due to an airport issue.

We were initially told that we'd have to wait on this bus just outside the plane, standing in most cases, for 45 minutes. This was after we'd waited for about 10 minutes.

Eye contact between a few men, and an elderly nun proceeded and the men went and caused a lot of noise, and they relented and took us back to the gate.

The EasyJet Benidorm tannoy

Easyjet have a special tannoy message they only deploy for rowdy flights, or flights with high potential to go rowdy. It usually mentions alcohol usage and not assaulting the staff. If you hear this, be extra nice to the staff.

Sometimes, it's worth looking like the one ‘reasonable’ person — this works very well on EasyJet, less well on Ryanair.

If you don't have a crowd...

Conversely, if you're on your own... you are relying on favours. Generally staff are kind, but assume rules can be bent rather than broken completely. To frame this, think about what resources the staff member may have access to, and ask accordingly.

One for my fellow rule nerds: don't list airline rules as that looks weird and confrontational to people who aren't like us. Hint at the possible solution but don't mention it outright - let them solve it for you.

4) You are a wandering Data Centre

Water

Almost all airports in Europe have some facility to top up water for free, normally pre and post security. To locate, Google ‘water’ and the name of the airport.

If it's a country that doesn't use much English, use the local language to search online and translate using Google.

Some areas have regulated the price of water so it's low enough a price not to worry.

Some haven't and you'll be grateful for that free 500ml of water to sip.

I do not rely on airport charging areas or Wi-Fi

I always ensure I have SIM card coverage for where I am flying to and my layovers.

There are also special electronic SIM cards which are data only and can be purchased through an app, and can apply to whole continents depending on what you're doing.

I also have two power banks:

• one larger that can do a tablet & laptop
• one smaller that can do a phone & headphones

USB-A is still the golden standard, so even if you are always on USB-C now, ensure you have cables or adapters to use for USB-A sockets.

That said, if there is charging or functioning WiFi, I go for it and use it.

Sometimes the wifi appears up but you aren't redirected to a login page, and there is no internet. You can sometimes force this, I would google "how to force captive portal" and append the type of device you are using eg Android, Apple, Windows.

5) Engage with others

I've sprinkled this amongst the other sections, but being kind matters. This is not quite the same as being polite. This is not passive, this is an assertive kindness that some Brits can struggle with. Some tips:

• Help with the trays at security
• Get out of the way as soon as possible at security once done
• Distract crying babies with silly faces or noises
• Offer to assist people with bags if they get stuck (I can't believe I have to say this...)
• If people look lost in your queue/bit and you know where to go, assist in a friendly manner by speaking or pointing with a smile.

The key thing is realising you are part of a temporary community of workers and punters trying to get on a flight, and changing how you act accordingly. This is not the same as passive politeness.

When you get stuck or need to engage with airport staff, it's also worth bearing in mind: rules are often bent but never broken. That can mean a note on the system stating it wasn't your fault you were at the wrong gate, meaning your new flight is free, for example.

• Ask staff for help directly
• This means do not be passive and rely on "shared" context - common in some cultures (as a Brit people do this all the time). State what you need explicitly.
• That said, don't get angry at them - eg raising your voice, using swear words, physically making yourself closer to them.
• Try to consider what resources they may have available to assist you when framing your request.
• Security people dislike "know-it-alls" typically. Come across as curious when something happens, in a casual and calm manner, but knowing all the rules upfront and listing them out without letting them speak first... dangerous.

6) Packing Is Not A Moral Issue

If I see yet another "light packer" influencer telling me how little they can pack for a week...

It's fine for those people. But they are the Morning People of travellers - chirpy, friendly, dismissive to those who may have needs that don't fit into their small rucksack or suitcase.

• Own tonnes of pouches. Ensure they are easily identifiable. Designate pouches for certain types of stuff eg keys, cables, medicine...
  • These also can double as a protective pouch if your airline seat storage is prone for stuff to fall out of it...
• Check your bag in as late as you can get away with. This means it will more likely arrive sooner at the other end.
  • This doesn't tend to work if you have transfers and they're handling the baggage for you.
  • You can use the wait at the other end for stretches, the bathroom and topping up water.
• I do actually try to have a capsule wardrobe when packing. As I wear lots of colours, I will try to stick to one colour palette (warm or cool), but I don't beat myself up if it doesn't quite work for every piece
• Your on board baggage limit is only enforced at the gate. So you can buy or make some cheap lunch, take it through security, eat it, and be fine for the gate. Also liquid limits are not food limits - no smoothie, but sandwiches or a pastry is fine. For Heathrow, I get my M&S croissants on arrivals in T2 before then heading to departures up the escalator.
• In addition to the above, you can pack things differently for arriving at the airport compared to the gate - if it's easier spread across 4 bags, but you can fit them all into one later, do it.
• If you can check in a carry on bag voluntarily at the gate for free, you can often also do it prior to security - perfect for that peanut butter you wanted to keep. The key thing is to offer it to "help", ensure it is under the airline limits for carry on weight, and to have a fallback if they say no - although no one has said no to me yet.
• There's an in-between suitcase size between a carry on suitcase and the usual 50lb/23kg size - it's much more manageable for multi-modal journeys by train/tram/bus. They're not so popular because they're too big for check in but for check in people tend to want to want the next size up to maximise how much they can bring. However, when filled, that size can be awkward to carry up and down stairs, even if the same weight as the medium sized suitcase.

Bodies are real

Another rant about "light packers" oncoming... I have very heavy periods. My period gear takes up about 1/8 of a whole carry on suitcase once put into a compression cube, and that doesn't include the Buscopan and the painkillers. Don't let others judge you - we all have our own circumstances and needs.

If you do get your period on a plane, and it's unexpected, ask the airline staff. They may not have anything to donate for short haul but often they will permit you using the bathroom outside normal limits.

For practical stuff, I usually go to the bathroom just before takeoff, after touchdown but before immigration. If it's a super heavy day I change while on the flight on short haul.

7) Consider this permission to be customisable

Airports and planes still suck for me. I very much prefer trains, despite this increased familiarity in recent years. But I've done what I can to make it easier, and I started to get irritated at all the articles giving advice I wouldn't follow.

That said, if something works for you, and doesn't for me... stick to it. A lot of the advice I was getting irritated by assumed we were all the same person, with the same needs or wants.